


The Media Incident

by Alex_and_the_hamiltones



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Holly is a meme-loving fuck and you can't convince me otherwise, Social Media AU, seriously this is just a bunch of headcanons put together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7285891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_and_the_hamiltones/pseuds/Alex_and_the_hamiltones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Get a Tumblr they said, it’ll be fun they said… You are not on twitter? Lemme fix that for you she said… We’ll make you an Instagram account Mud Boy, you’ll like it they said… Artemis your mother thinks you should get a Facebook he said…</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Media Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> This is just a simple and short crackfic of what might have happened if Artemis Fowl II and friends had presence social media.  
> I hope you enjoy it and English is not my first language so if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes please let me know.

Monday 9:00 AM  
Artemis sat on his desk, he still couldn’t grasp the idea that his mother had forced him to return to school but she did; now he had to spend most of the time wasting his day in a room full of foolish teens.  
He took out his phone and began browsing through his recently acquired social medias. He opened Instagram and as much as he hated to admit it, Mulch had been right and he liked Instagram; he currently followed a few nature photography accounts, a couple of equitation accounts and all his friends with an Instagram, which was all of them.  
After a few minutes of mindless scrolling he stumbled with one of Juliet’s multiple selfies. She was with Holly, both flexing, and smiling at the camera. “Check out this guns” the caption read. Typical for both of them.  
Picture of the sea, picture of a forest, picture of a stable full of horses, and then he saw Foaly reposted one of his pictures in which he appeared riding Acorn, his favorite horse, and jumping over an obstacle.   
“This is what an oppressive sport looks like #FreeTheHorses”  
and then Chix had also reposted it.  
“I didn’t know you were into that Mud Boy ;)” he had captioned it.  
Artemis decided it was enough Instagram for a day, or a month…

Tuesday 7:30 pm  
Artemis was surfing through his facebook feed, his mom had been tagging him in a lot of cat pictures, he had to accept they were all cute and fluffy and he wouldn’t admit it out loud though.   
Scrolling down he found a picture of Holly leaning against a pod, a huge smile on her face and her auburn hair as messy as always. “About to fly this babe. #NewLEPdesign” she had written. He liked the picture and decided to write a comment.  
“Remember mayor, no record breaking with the new equipment”  
“Of course not, mister Fowl, I wouldn’t dare! would I?” she replied his comment and he chuckled, typical Holly Short.  
Butler had been on lately, and his dash was filled with a lot of gardening and self defense tips, plus those cooking videos that his old friend loved so much; Artemis loved when he tried out those receipts because the male was the best cook ever, and that Oreo cheesecake had been an artwork.  
And then a picture of a cute bunny appeared in his screen, Mulch had shared it and Artemis eyes grew wide when he read his caption: “so cute I could eat him!”  
He gasped and wrote a comment, noticing previous comments  
Holly Short   
MULCH. NO  
Julius Root  
Don’t  
Juliet Butler  
Do it and I’ll DESTROY you.  
Artemis Fowl II  
Mulch, don’t eat the rabbit.

Wednesday 12:30 am   
Again Artemis was stuck in school, bored to dead so he decided to open the Tumblr app on his mobile phone.  
The first thing on his dash was one of Holly and Juliet’s famous selfies. They were hugging, both wearing sunglasses and a tank top that read ‘Sun’s out, guns out’. As many times, they were both showing of their biceps. He liked their selfie.  
Then he noticed several notes in his account: hella-holly has tagged you in a post; this around 17 times. He opened them.  
“you’re the plant”, “that’s us”, “I’m the cat, u the dog”, “u and butler”, “I dare you”, “you are totally Roasted garlic chips”, and things of the sort. all of them were memes. He opened the final notification and facepalmed.  
It was a picture of his face photoshopped on a frog riding a monocycle.  
“It’s that Mud Boi! Oh shit waddup!” was captioned. it was over a thousand notes.  
He immediately closed the app.  
Later on he received another note from Tumblr, it was a message from Holly.  
“Hey Arty boy! are you mad about the meme?”  
“I am not Holly, but I’m trying to run a meme-free blog and you keep sending me memes!”  
“hehehehe they are lit”  
“sure they are, fairy girl… sure they are”

Thursday 2:30 pm  
He was surfing on his Instagram and found several pictures and vines from everyone, Juliet uploaded a vine of Trouble, Butler, Holly and herself training; then a picture of Butler and her with the hashtag “WorkOutWithTheBroski” and a repost from Butler with the caption “Don’t Call Me Broski Jules”   
Then there was a vine with Holly jumping as high as she could and slapping Butler’s head, all of this as she said “parkour”. Juliet’s giggle could be heard in the video.  
Then several vines of Mulch and Holly were uploaded.  
All of them were “tributes to Gordon Ramsey” or so they claimed. Mulch slapping Holly with a rubber fish, Holly placing Mulch between two breads and asking “what are you??” “ an idiot sandwich”  
Butler had been active too, reposting several pictures of cars, some weapons, and romantic novel’s covers; along wiith his content he found a photo of the man showing of the muscles of his back which were visible under his lycra shirt, it had been taken by Trouble it had the caption #TrollModeOn

Friday 16:00  
Artemis was at home, playing with his brothers, they asked him to be the fortress to be captured so there was not much to do for him in the game; he opened twitter and shared a picture of the twins, both laying on their stomachs and “planning” their attack. “Some serious scheming happening at the Fowl manor” he wrote.  
He recieved his daily reminder that he was a huge nerd, only this time it was Mulch the one tweeting it.  
@Artemis_Fowl_II this is your daily reminder that you are a huge nerd.  
Foaly had uploaded a video, which was unlike him.  
@fight_me giving us some comedy gold.  
The video contained a compilation of all the times Holly had punched him, which to be honest had been a lot, all while Yakety sax played in the background. Holly had retweeted it.  
@Underpaid_genius this is a masterpiece!  
Vinyáya had also uploaded a video.  
Thanks to @Underpaid_genius and @fight_me for making this possible.  
It was a compilation of flight acrobacies that Vinyáya and Holly had performed, including the Hollycopter and Holly’s current speed record. She had favorited the tweet and retweeted it.  
@LEPro_pliot those shots & music were gr8! Let’s shoot some more!  
Butler walked in looking serious, and a very upset Juliet and Holly strolled behind him.  
“Artemis we need your help” Juliet stated. he immediately stood up.  
“what is it?” In that moment butler dropped to the ground and Holly and Juliet sat on his back, Holly handed Artemis Butler’s phone.  
“Film this”  
Confused he filmed as Butler did a hundred push-ups with both females on his back, when both finished they climed down and Butler stood up, retrieving his phone and uploading the video on twitter.  
“Mind explaining what is happening exactly?” he wondered and Juliet showed him a series of tweets. Chix uploading a picture of Grub and saying how he had ‘taken down the mud mountain’, Holly challenging him to ‘bring it on!’, Grub assuring it wasn’t meant like that. Finally a video where Butler challenges Grub to a fight, adding an evil laughter that sent shivers down his spine.  
“And then Chix uploaded this” Holly continued, showing a video of Grub doing fifty push-ups, ‘you sure you can handle this?’ had added the sprite. “So we are uploading this one.  
“yes, and we will caption it ‘dunno… can you?’ so he chickens out” Juliet said with a smile.  
Grub and Chix were always like that, boosting each other’s self-esteem and publishing pictures of the other assuring ladies that they were free to date. Trouble always facepalmed at that.  
They left and an hour later, as Fort Arty was being invaded, a loud crack was heard in the whole manor, then Juliet’s cheering. Artemis opened his twitter and went straight to her account.  
@Mountain_fighter your move.  
The attached video was Butler destroying a punching bag with one swift kick. There were no follow up videos.

Saturday 19.45  
Artemis had spent all day crashing against the furniture of his house, no matter if he was in the kitchen, the living room, his room or his office, he would bump his knee or stumble with chairs and desks. He couldn’t understand exactly what was happening, his eyesight was excellent, and even though he was not the most coordinated person on Earth he never had this kind of condition.  
He recieved a Facebook notification, ‘Mulch Diggums has mentioned you in a video’. He opened the app and discovered the reason of his day-long suffering. It was a sped-up video of him and Holly moving every single piece of furniture an inch to the left, at the very end the video was at regular speed and showed Holly walking towards the camera, when she was close enough she whipered one word: Randomosity.  
It was the third time this month they did something like that and even caused the hashtag #Don’tForgetRandomosity to become trending.  
Get social media they all said, it’ll be fine they said

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and feedback is always welcomed!  
> I am also in Tumblr, where I post this kind of stuff along with some personal projects, if any of you want to check that out or exchange headcanons or w/e the url is: holly-take-the-wheel  
> Have a wonderful one!


End file.
